I got back from a family reunion last night, at o’dark thirty in the early morning. It was nice seeing some dear and new faces. I remember the old folks always saying, “family is the most important thing.” Now that I’m reaching the point in my life where I crave companionship, and some young ones of my own someday, I understand far more then before.

I did some shooting at the gather too. Just a few shots here and there. Maybe I’ll renovate my photoblog show ‘em all off.

Maybe while I’m at it I’ll create a space where my extended family can communicate with each other via the web. I have the knowledge, skills, and resources - it is how I earn my daily bread, after all.

On the six hour drive home I shared the story of my novel with my brother. He’s an avid science fiction/fantasy reader, but very impatient with poorly written stories. In recent years I’ve learned to trust his opinion on worthwhile reading material. He was in rapt the entire time, asking questions with great excitement. He even said he got goosebumps at certain points.

Lots of good things.

In the process I think I figured out how I should develop my novel. I’m very much an auditory person. I think I need to speak the story in order to write it.

For the past six months or so I’ve put a great deal of thought into how to best write a novel - or for me, a series of novels. Seems I can’t just sit down and let the mind juices pour onto a page without losing track of where I’ve come and where I’m going, even though I’ve come pretty far with journal writing. I’ve had long talks with multiple friends about the writing process, two of whom are working on their own god-awfully long stories as well. The one who’s mind I respect most thinks a series of structured outlines is the most effective method. All I know is that there’s no fucking way I’m going to write outlines about a story. When it comes to communicating feelings and ideas I can’t stand putting creative energy into structured forms like outlines. They seem so unnatural, so contrary to the very heart of the medium “novel writing.”

A family member of mine is a comic book artist. With a resource like that potentially available to me maybe I should consider a strong graphic element in my story as well.

Time for this young hippy to head to bed.

~Virgohippy

I was really happy about the way things were progressing in the last book of the Harry Potter series, right up until the very end. I feel like a very good ending has been stolen from me and a cheap replacement has somehow taken it’s place.

Does that make me a sadist or a realist?

Only a pessimist would describe deep dark stuff as “real.”

I was very nearly desperately low on books a few days ago, now I am desperate. I should consider buying used books from the web. I spend most of my time developing systems to sell stuff via the web anyway.

When machines don’t understand me, or rather when I don’t understand machines, it’s very frustrating. My mind has turned to mush thanks to all the loopy logic which sometimes eludes me. Burying my nose in a book which tries to make sense of a world filled with magic doesn’t help, I’m sure.

I haven’t bathed in two days. I can smell mango and musk emanating from my armpits.

To the very few ladies who have buried their noses in my smelly pits, inhaled deep, and massaged the ego of this smelly hippy, I will bless you with my worshipful thoughts shortly… after I’ve prepared for bed.

~Virgohippy

I feel more at peace with my surroundings now. Even though this place is not without chaos, I’m not worried about spontaneous harassment… well, except for that little bit of back and forth I’ve come to love about these folks.

Maybe I’m just on a “Mom’s Cooking” high.

Anyway, back to teaching machines how to think.

~Virgohippy

I wrote this in my journal:

Two points, in time, from the middle out.

Good stories, like time, have no beginning and no end. Like life and imagination, they are most powerful when they expand in all directions. A good story that has a beginning and an end is a fallacy. They must be inspired by life and filled with limitless imagination or they are worthless.

I’ve been taking in good stories in my spare time. It seems stories have been my only unproductive creative outlet in a long while; assuming you can even claim it as such. Just about everything else has been devoted to my business, my health, social needs, raw skills… very little of my time and energy has been devoted to the pointless pursuit of art.

I need more good stories. I’m quickly growing tired of those I’ve already absorbed multiple times.

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein.

What can I say? I’m a hippy.

~Virgohippy

Creative self expression is one of my most favored emotional outlets… and I’ve been growing steadily more angry for the past two weeks now.

Maybe this will help shed some light - I wrote a letter to my parents. It’s pathetic, I know… just shut up and read it:

Hi Mom, Hi Dad,

(EDIT: this letter took me over an hour to write, so if it takes you a day or two to read/respond that’s okay with me.)

I’m really pissed off right now and I’m not sure who else to talk to at this point.

I’m having some problems with my roommate. I don’t know how much of it is me or him except that I feel like I’m walking over pins and needles to avoid being harassed for occupying space.

I wouldn’t even be complaining to you two, except that so far this morning I am still so pissed off that I have been unable to concentrate on work. My roommate and I have had our problems before, but this, to me, is beginning to cross over into that realm of intolerable. If I can’t work, the very rational part of me says there is a very real problem here, that it’s not just an uncomfortable emotion.

There have been more then a few episodes in the past couple weeks. I’d list them all but it wouldn’t do me any good considering you’d only hear from my perspective anyhow.

I’ve tried confronting him on a few of the smaller issues when they come up but now I’ve earned an authoritarian dictator who makes demands and expects them to be followed without question. As I’m sure you can imagine this is a perfect match with my “always take orders from the powers that be without question” type personality. (I really hope you can detect the sarcasm in that last statement, because if you can’t then maybe I am the one who is going nuts and causing all this fuss.)

It’s all mostly stupid shit I probably wouldn’t have a problem with IF it was discussed in an open dialogue. Unfortunately, I feel like he treats me like he’s some sort of authority over me, like a parent. (I figured, since I’m having a problem with self-imposed parents, if I talk to the real ones the fake ones will realize they have some competition and will go away.)

Anyway, I have yet to confront him on the larger pattern. Although, I’m still not sure if I want to confront him; my concern is that if I do things will most definitely go sour… and I may be forced to find another place.

I’ve considered just sitting back and waiting for things to blow over but I’m worried I might blow up in his face before that happens. I’ve already lost self-control and snapped at him twice. I know I normally have a bit of a sarcastic wit, but I’m beginning to be surprised by my own reactions. I’m worried that things are escalating.

Anyway, can I come and stay at your place for a while, maybe a week, maybe two… maybe even three? Please?

I don’t think this is a permanent trend, at least I hope not. School starts soon, and I have to be back before then. I don’t really want to move out, although at this point I’m considering that as an option. But before I take that option I want to be sure that I’ve exhausted all others.

I do have to take care of a few things this week if I am going to skip out of town for more then a weekend.

If not that, can I come over for just the weekend?

If I do stay long I can do a few chores around the house here and there, maybe stop by the grocery store on sis’ bike and pick up some food if needed, whatever… if there’s anything I do or don’t do when I’m over normally that you’d like me to stop/start doing, like bathe every day… you know… the crossing over from being a (barely) tolerated (stinky) guest that you can’t wait to get rid of by the end of the weekend to a… I don’t know… respected and respectful (marginally fragrant) family member, just let me know.

I would love the opportunity to feel like I can live in peace with someone.

I love you,

~Blake

P.S. Since writing this I’ve started to cool down. (I even made a few jokes) Thanks for being the kind of people I trust to be here and to hear me.

So much for being an independent adult who can take care of himself.

Before you go thinking that P.S. was really sappy - and probably a fake if you’ve ever met me face to face - you should know that my childhood was very pleasant, and was blessed with a decent amount of neglect and abuse. So don’t go making any jokes at my appreciation for the people who were there for me. Also, they’ve never said I couldn’t come over, so the general tone of “please please please” wasn’t even necessary… I just felt like doing it that way.

Btw, this letter is a day old, and I DID blow up at my roommate. Needless to say, I am looking forward to staying with my parents for a week or two even more then I was yesterday.

~Virgohippy

This is an old photo of mine, but I needed to test how this new setup would handle images. It’s nothing special, just my most recently published digital manipulation. It’s only a little over a year old.

I’ve done a lot of photography so testing the photographs archives is more important then adding bells and whistles to this bare bones blog.

~Virgohippy

I’ve had this site for a while but I haven’t been happy with the technical stuff running it, so I’m changing a few things. With the old system it took too much work to write a new entry, and far too much thinking to keep the archives organized.

I’m switching from Joomla! to Wordpress. Don’t get me wrong, Joomla! is a very powerful, very flexible piece of work, perfect for a number of sites… but for a blogging engine it’s an absolute nightmare!

I considered writing my own blog script - eventually I probably will - but, like my most recent trends in the way I run my business, I plan to simplify things a bit, and that means changing my website to make things easier to use.

As a result, this is the first post in the place I call “The Blog of Virgohippy“. I plan to import old entries a bit here and there, so if you miss the old ones that’ve disappeared then worry not, they’re just in the process of being moved.

~Virgohippy