Creative self expression is one of my most favored emotional outlets… and I’ve been growing steadily more angry for the past two weeks now.

Maybe this will help shed some light - I wrote a letter to my parents. It’s pathetic, I know… just shut up and read it:

Hi Mom, Hi Dad,

(EDIT: this letter took me over an hour to write, so if it takes you a day or two to read/respond that’s okay with me.)

I’m really pissed off right now and I’m not sure who else to talk to at this point.

I’m having some problems with my roommate. I don’t know how much of it is me or him except that I feel like I’m walking over pins and needles to avoid being harassed for occupying space.

I wouldn’t even be complaining to you two, except that so far this morning I am still so pissed off that I have been unable to concentrate on work. My roommate and I have had our problems before, but this, to me, is beginning to cross over into that realm of intolerable. If I can’t work, the very rational part of me says there is a very real problem here, that it’s not just an uncomfortable emotion.

There have been more then a few episodes in the past couple weeks. I’d list them all but it wouldn’t do me any good considering you’d only hear from my perspective anyhow.

I’ve tried confronting him on a few of the smaller issues when they come up but now I’ve earned an authoritarian dictator who makes demands and expects them to be followed without question. As I’m sure you can imagine this is a perfect match with my “always take orders from the powers that be without question” type personality. (I really hope you can detect the sarcasm in that last statement, because if you can’t then maybe I am the one who is going nuts and causing all this fuss.)

It’s all mostly stupid shit I probably wouldn’t have a problem with IF it was discussed in an open dialogue. Unfortunately, I feel like he treats me like he’s some sort of authority over me, like a parent. (I figured, since I’m having a problem with self-imposed parents, if I talk to the real ones the fake ones will realize they have some competition and will go away.)

Anyway, I have yet to confront him on the larger pattern. Although, I’m still not sure if I want to confront him; my concern is that if I do things will most definitely go sour… and I may be forced to find another place.

I’ve considered just sitting back and waiting for things to blow over but I’m worried I might blow up in his face before that happens. I’ve already lost self-control and snapped at him twice. I know I normally have a bit of a sarcastic wit, but I’m beginning to be surprised by my own reactions. I’m worried that things are escalating.

Anyway, can I come and stay at your place for a while, maybe a week, maybe two… maybe even three? Please?

I don’t think this is a permanent trend, at least I hope not. School starts soon, and I have to be back before then. I don’t really want to move out, although at this point I’m considering that as an option. But before I take that option I want to be sure that I’ve exhausted all others.

I do have to take care of a few things this week if I am going to skip out of town for more then a weekend.

If not that, can I come over for just the weekend?

If I do stay long I can do a few chores around the house here and there, maybe stop by the grocery store on sis’ bike and pick up some food if needed, whatever… if there’s anything I do or don’t do when I’m over normally that you’d like me to stop/start doing, like bathe every day… you know… the crossing over from being a (barely) tolerated (stinky) guest that you can’t wait to get rid of by the end of the weekend to a… I don’t know… respected and respectful (marginally fragrant) family member, just let me know.

I would love the opportunity to feel like I can live in peace with someone.

I love you,

~Blake

P.S. Since writing this I’ve started to cool down. (I even made a few jokes) Thanks for being the kind of people I trust to be here and to hear me.

So much for being an independent adult who can take care of himself.

Before you go thinking that P.S. was really sappy - and probably a fake if you’ve ever met me face to face - you should know that my childhood was very pleasant, and was blessed with a decent amount of neglect and abuse. So don’t go making any jokes at my appreciation for the people who were there for me. Also, they’ve never said I couldn’t come over, so the general tone of “please please please” wasn’t even necessary… I just felt like doing it that way.

Btw, this letter is a day old, and I DID blow up at my roommate. Needless to say, I am looking forward to staying with my parents for a week or two even more then I was yesterday.

~Virgohippy